Esse quam videri.

Esse quam videri. 

To be rather than to seem. Words inspired by a sentence from Cicero’s 44 B.C. essay on Friendship that reads “virtute enim ipsa non tam multi praediti esse quam videri volunt.” “Few are those who wish to be endowed with virtue rather than to seem so.” 

This sentence was selected by Cicero to make the point that true friendship is only possible if both parties can give, and receive, harsh truths. But the weight of these words echo into our age—stretching beyond the realm of friendship and remaining as relevant as ever, coloring every corner of modern life. Especially so in an age of social media, where it’s easier than ever to hide behind a perfectly curated persona. 

Jon Bellion captures the modern version of this ancient struggle in the song “Internet”: “Life became dangerous, the day we all became famous…I don’t need the good, just need you to think I did it. I don’t need the word, just need you to think I said it. I don’t need to learn, just need you to think I get it. I don’t need the sermon, just need you to think I read it.” 

We live in an age that offers no shortage of ways to emphasize seeming over being. We have the instruments to live an invisible life, where the gap between who we hold ourselves out to be and who we know ourselves to be makes us uneasy.  

Because we’re always there to witness when we’re pretending. We can only deceive ourselves on the surface, but deep down, in our cor cordium (heart of hearts), we always know whether we’ve done the work. 

Since buying a necklace with the reminder “to be rather than to seem” about a year ago, I’ve started noticing just how much I fall short of Cicero’s call. Catching myself using big words to seem wise rather than working to be wise; caring more about being seen to do good than doing good; doing enough to maintain the appearance of being fit without paying the dues needed to actually be fit. 

But my friends and family are helping. I’m surrounded by wonderful rarities of people that prefer to be. The kind that never let you settle for seeming. The kind that would cause Shakespeare to sing, “[g]rapple them to thy soul with hooks of steel!” The kind that I am trying to be.