What to do with the time given to us.
“If your choices are beautiful, so too will you be.” ~ Epictetus
The fellowship had passed through the dark mines of Moria and settled in around a fire – faces muddied and marred, bones aching. Few words were spoken as they dealt with the weight of the reality that there were many mountains yet to climb and many monsters left to slay on the way to Mordor.
Perched on a rock sat the great wizard, Gandalf. By his side, the Ring bearer – Frodo – slumped, seeds of doubt swelling behind his eyes, soul crumbling beneath the burden of the Ring. Heart heavy with despair, Frodo summoned his reserves to open his lips: “I wish the ring had never come to me,” muttered Frodo, each word laced with lament, “I wish none of this had happened.”
Gandalf absorbed the comment with the soul of a sage who’d seen many ages before responding: “So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”
Sometimes, I find myself like Frodo – cursing fate for the misfortunes of the arbitrary age I was thrown into – wishing they need not have bubbled up during my time. I suspect that is how Tolkien felt about World War I. And I suspect many now (like me) feel similarly about our period of pandemic and political turmoil.
This last year held many moments where my heart hung heavy as a hurting spectator. Seeing the hate and hurt in the world (to which I have most certainly contributed, even if only by sins of omission) and wishing I lived in an age where we treated each other better. Wishing fate would have placed me in a time with more healing and less hurting. More life and less death.
But when I find myself lingering too long in those wishes, I go back to Gandalf. And hear him say: your hurt is shared by all who live to see such times, but that is not for you to decide. All you have to decide is what to do with the time given to you.
Perhaps, instead of wishing away the darkness, it’s enough to defy it with the time we are given. Perhaps it’s enough to spend our time sowing seeds of light with small acts of kindness and love. Because if your choices are beautiful, so too will you be. If your actions supply light, so too will you.
Lux et caritas. Sending light and love.